Ello.

March 2, 2012 § Leave a comment

So I guess I should start off by saying, I have no idea what people typically put on a blog, so just bear with me here. I might be awful at writing, I might offend you, and I might make completely stupid points, but DEAL WITH IT COMPADRE. THIS IS AMERICA. AND LIKE AMERICA, YOU CAN LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT. Kapish? Cool. I think that went well.

I’d first off like to tell you a few things about myself. I have ocean blue eyes, enjoy vanilla bean candles, and am bondage friendly. SHOOT. JK. That was my draft for my eHarmony description. Let’s start over.

I’d first off like to tell you a few things about myself. I have ocean blue eyes, enjoy vanilla bean candles, and ❤ a nice, cold Flaming Dr. Pepper. And I’m definitely anti-bondage (*wink & finger pistols*). That’s better.

Here are my views on a few keynote issues and hot topics:

  1. Religion – don’t give a shit
  2. Abortion – don’t give two shits
  3. Butter – pro-butter
  4. They’re/their/there – don’t fuck them up
  5. Orange juice – delicious
  6. Apple juice – more delicious
  7. Slavery – bad stuff
  8. Top hats – I enjoy top hats
  9. Using “phat” instead of “fat” – all for it

I’m not quite sure what direction to go in here because I have absolutely no plan for this blog. I’ll probably just post on what’s going on in the news because, shit, I don’t have the mind or the work ethic to develop background for anything that’s going to be funny. That’s probably why I suck at Twitter. But hey, accepting it is the first step on the road to recovery. Or in this case, the first step in something other than the road to recovery I guess. Or I might post about anything else. I’ll keep it a surprise. I like surprises. Surprises are nice.

So buckle up, you little shitheads. That’s all for me tonight. Good night, my buttercups (remember the pro-butter thing earlier? When I say buttercups, that means I’m pro-you guys. Totally linked that shit up… DAMN I’M GOOD).

Fuck bitches, get money,
M-Bizzle
God is Love,
Rev Run

Farewell my noble steeds,
Sir Matthew

I love you,
Your Secret Admirer

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