5 Things About Me, Matt

April 16, 2012 § Leave a comment

Hey here are 5 things about Matt:

1) He is resourceful.

  • Although he’s 21 and a junior in college, he still uses his parents’ Netflix and Hulu Plus subscriptions.
  • When he runs out of cream cheese but still has bagels around, he uses the remnants of his oft-abused Nutella spread.
  • Why open 10 individual windows on Firefox when tabs have been available since circa sometime that the Internet has been around?
  • He uses Google and Wikipedia on the daily.
  • He once used the back end of a hammer to alleviate his wrap rage (Look it up on Wikipedia. Also: see point made above).

2) He does extensive research on important political issues before sharing his opinion.

  • He watches CNN.
  • He watches Fox News.
  • He watches MSNBC.
  • He watches Jon Stewart.
  • He watches Stephen Colbert.
  • He watches Bill Maher.
  • (Last 3 he doesn’t watch in a stalker-ey way, but like the news programs they have).
  • He’s been to al-Jazeera’s website on more than one occasion.
  • Books are for fools.

3) He’s mature beyond his years.

  • He studies hard. Long and hard. SO long, and SO hard.
  • He actually goes to class and realizes that class is not simply him having a conversation with the teacher (which most people 2-3 times his age do not seem to realize or even consider).
  • He doesn’t make “your mom” jokes.
  • Sometimes he eats salad.
  • He thinks dubstep is cool for a song or two, but on the whole, is a retarded concept and genre.
  • He feels bad if you try to make him feel bad about using words like “retarded”.
  • Your retarded mom’s a joke.

4) He can relate to commoners and laymen.

  • He hates rollie backpacks, just like you!
  • This one time he bought a round of drinks for his friends at this one bar.
  • He’s polite and says “please” and “thank you” even to lowly serfs and peasants.
  • He doesn’t know proper grammar or punctuation, especially where to put commas, in sentences…?

5) He has his flaws too.

  • He weighs 340 pounds and sometimes he lies.
  • He gets lazy at the end of posts and shortens the number of bullets he uses because fuck it.

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