5 Things About Me, Matt
April 16, 2012 § Leave a comment
Hey here are 5 things about Matt:
1) He is resourceful.
- Although he’s 21 and a junior in college, he still uses his parents’ Netflix and Hulu Plus subscriptions.
- When he runs out of cream cheese but still has bagels around, he uses the remnants of his oft-abused Nutella spread.
- Why open 10 individual windows on Firefox when tabs have been available since circa sometime that the Internet has been around?
- He uses Google and Wikipedia on the daily.
- He once used the back end of a hammer to alleviate his wrap rage (Look it up on Wikipedia. Also: see point made above).
2) He does extensive research on important political issues before sharing his opinion.
- He watches CNN.
- He watches Fox News.
- He watches MSNBC.
- He watches Jon Stewart.
- He watches Stephen Colbert.
- He watches Bill Maher.
- (Last 3 he doesn’t watch in a stalker-ey way, but like the news programs they have).
- He’s been to al-Jazeera’s website on more than one occasion.
- Books are for fools.
3) He’s mature beyond his years.
- He studies hard. Long and hard. SO long, and SO hard.
- He actually goes to class and realizes that class is not simply him having a conversation with the teacher (which most people 2-3 times his age do not seem to realize or even consider).
- He doesn’t make “your mom” jokes.
- Sometimes he eats salad.
- He thinks dubstep is cool for a song or two, but on the whole, is a retarded concept and genre.
- He feels bad if you try to make him feel bad about using words like “retarded”.
- Your retarded mom’s a joke.
4) He can relate to commoners and laymen.
- He hates rollie backpacks, just like you!
- This one time he bought a round of drinks for his friends at this one bar.
- He’s polite and says “please” and “thank you” even to lowly serfs and peasants.
- He doesn’t know proper grammar or punctuation, especially where to put commas, in sentences…?
5) He has his flaws too.
- He weighs 340 pounds and sometimes he lies.
- He gets lazy at the end of posts and shortens the number of bullets he uses because fuck it.